ZEROHYPE Monthly Retainer

The Monthly Autopsy

Your marketing gets
reviewed every month.

One campaign or outreach sequence, submitted monthly. We run it through the full autopsy — written report, failure diagnosis, 3 priority rewrites. Delivered in 48 hours. No calls.

MAX 10 CLIENTS — QUALITY OVER SCALE
$300 /month
cancel anytime
Apply for a Spot

If spots are available → intake form → first review within 7 days

What you get every month

01

The Campaign Autopsy

One live campaign or outreach sequence, scored across 10 failure vectors: ICP clarity, message quality, channel fit, timing logic, post-click experience, and 5 more. Written report. Not a scorecard — a diagnosis.

02

3 Priority Rewrites

The 3 highest-impact fixes, rewritten and ready to deploy. Subject lines, openers, CTAs, landing page headlines — wherever the failure score is highest. Not suggestions. Finished copy.

03

The One-Line Diagnosis

Every autopsy ends with one sentence. The real reason this campaign is underperforming. Not the symptoms. The cause. It's usually not what you think.

04

48-Hour Turnaround

Submit by end of business day. Autopsy delivered within 48 hours. No status updates, no check-ins. You send the campaign. We send the report.

How the month runs

WEEK 1

Submit your campaign.

Email us the sequence, landing page, or campaign asset you want reviewed. Include current metrics if you have them — reply rate, open rate, conversion. The more context, the sharper the diagnosis.

48 HOURS

Receive the autopsy.

Full written report. Failure score, annotated breakdown, 3 rewritten assets, one-line diagnosis. PDF format. No Zoom call to walk you through it — the report is written clearly enough to stand alone.

ONGOING

Deploy and track.

You run the fixes. Next month, submit the next campaign or the updated version of this one to see what moved. Patterns emerge after 3-4 months. That's when it becomes compounding value.

ANYTIME

Cancel. No penalty.

Cancel before your next billing date. No notice period. No contract. If it's not working, stop. We'd rather have 10 clients who find it useful than 40 who tolerate it.

Autopsy vs Retainer

One-Time Autopsy ($500) Monthly Autopsy ($300/mo)
Campaigns reviewed 1 1 per month, indefinitely
Rewrites included 0 (diagnosis only) 3 per month
Turnaround 48-72 hours 48 hours
Pattern recognition over time Single snapshot Builds each month
Priority access No Yes — slots reserved for retainer clients
Best for One campaign that's failing Ongoing program improvement

This is for you if

  • You run 1-3 active outreach or campaign sequences at a time and want a second set of eyes on each one.
  • You've been through the Outreach Autopsy or Outreach Overhaul and want to keep the momentum.
  • Your marketing team produces campaigns but nobody outside the team has reviewed them in months.
  • You're in a DACH market where the cost of a mispositioned campaign is higher than anywhere else.
  • You want external diagnosis without hiring someone full-time.

Not for you if

  • You want strategy calls or ongoing advice. This is async diagnosis and rewriting. Nothing else.
  • You want us to run your campaigns. We review them. You run them.
  • You don't have active campaigns. If you're not shipping, there's nothing to review.

Questions worth answering

What does "max 10 clients" mean?

We keep the retainer capped at 10 clients at any given time. Quality drops when the list gets long. When a spot opens, it goes to the waitlist. When all spots are full, the waitlist is open but no timeline is guaranteed.

Can I submit more than one campaign per month?

No. One campaign per billing cycle. This keeps the quality high and the turnaround fast. Pick your highest-priority campaign for review each month.

What format do I submit in?

Plain text email with the campaign copy pasted in, or a link to a shared doc. Include current performance metrics if you have them. We'll email back the autopsy PDF within 48 hours.

What if I don't have a campaign to review one month?

You skip that month. No rollover, no refund. The retainer bills monthly whether or not you submit. If you're regularly not submitting, cancel and come back when you have active campaigns.

Is there a discount for paying annually?

No. Monthly billing only. We don't want clients who feel locked in — we want clients who stay because the value is there every month.

One campaign reviewed. Every month. No calls.

Max 10 clients. Cancel anytime. First review within 7 days of onboarding.

$300 /month
Apply for a Spot

Spots are limited. Waitlist opens when all 10 are filled.